Abuse Occurs —> Reconciliation/Makeup —> Calm —> Tension Building
Abuse can be any and/or all of the following: Physical, Sexual, Emotional, Psychological
During the reconciliation phase the abuser may apologize, promise it won’t happen again; blames the victim claiming you provoked the abuse; gives gifts of repentance.
After the explosion and reconciliation, it is common for a calm to settle in. Unfortunately, this is just the calm before the storm. The abuser will move on with each day as if the abuse never happened. Some promises made during the reconciliation are being met so the victim ‘hopes’ the abuse is over.
But as life stresses come and go, some mount into electrical tension. The abuser will begin to anger. Little or ‘minor’ abuses begin. Communication will be difficult and breaks down. Since the victim feels responsible for the abuse, falsely taking ownership and responsibility, she will try to keep the abuser calm. As the tension continues mounting, the victim and family members feel like they are ‘walking on egg shells.’
It is only a matter of time until the abuser snaps and the abuse occurs again. Hence, the pattern repeats again and again.
You ARE Beautiful!
Sitting here working on a different blog entry when “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction began playing. I reflected back on a recent conversation with a woman.
I always encourage women to repeat this empowering affirmation: ‘I am Beautiful! I am confident and strong! I am worth protecting!” A woman will protect herself to the same degree in which she values herself. If a woman doesn’t value herself, she is less likely to fight to be the survivor if she is attacked.
This precious, intelligent and attractive woman felt it would be a lie to state, “I am beautiful!…” since she did not perceive herself as beautiful. My reply, ‘I’m talking about the inner beauty and your personal value as a woman, not what the media dictates as beautiful’. Unfortunately, we parted ways with her still unable to grasp this concept.
Truly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It is my desire for all women to understand how valuable and beautiful they are! Don’t let someone else’s ideologies dictate your personal value.
You ARE Beautiful!
