It can be easy to stand on the sidelines and critique why a woman stays with her abuser. What many don’t understand is the variety of complex reasons she does. Like everything else in life, you have to walk in those shoes.
There are economic pressures as abusers often control the finances. Being pregnant, she may be unable to secure a job. In healthy relationships pregnant women often feel vulnerable and fear being alone. Add domestic violence and she feels helpless and hopeless. Believe it or not there are still religious and cultural pressures to stay; families will coerce the woman. It is a difficult situation where known risks are balanced against the unknown. She will do whatever she can to reduce the damage. Sometimes, that means staying. This is a human conditioning we all do. Some women finally reach a point where the routine risks become intolerable. When this occurs, she needs warm, receptive and loving support. We need to be there; ready and willing to do whatever we can to help break the cycle of violence. She has to know the violence is NOT her fault and she can not change her abuser.
Domestic Violence is about power, one person using a pattern of behavior to control another. These include:
- pushing, slapping, kicking
- marital rape
- intimidation, threatening
- isolation
- suicide threats
- degradation
A few physical effects of violence during pregnancy:
- Insufficient weight gain
- Hemorrhaging
- Abdominal trauma
- Ruptured membranes
- Fetal bruising, fractures, hematomas
If you are in an abusive relationship:
- Have important numbers handy, in phonebook under false names or in some code
- Make a safe plan of escape
- Consider safer places in your home; where there are exits and no weapons. Try to get there when abuse is impending
When you plan on leaving:
- Plan safe places of escape
- Open a bank account and/or get a credit card in your name
- Try doing things to get out of the house: take out the trash, walk the dog, go to the store.
- Mentally practice how you would leave
- Prepare an emergency bag of everyday things and important documents. Hide it where it is easy to get to. Keep in mind there are situations when all you can do is leave with the clothes on your back. Things are replaceable, lives aren’t. Do what you have to in order to be safe.
Speak up if you suspect someone is being abused! Are you hesitating, maybe telling yourself “It’s none of my business.”, “I might be wrong.”, or “She might not want to talk about it.”? When you express your concern you are letting her know you care. You may even save her life and her baby’s!
It can be easy to stand on the sidelines and critique why a woman stays with her abuser. What many don’t understand is the variety of complex reasons she does. Like everything else in life, you have to walk in those shoes.
There are economic pressures as abusers often control the finances. Being pregnant, she may be unable to secure a job. In healthy relationships pregnant women often feel vulnerable and fear being alone. Add domestic violence and she feels helpless and hopeless. Believe it or not there are still religious and cultural pressures to stay; families will coerce the woman. It is a difficult situation where known risks are balanced against the unknown. She will do whatever she can to reduce the damage. Sometimes, that means staying. This is a human conditioning we all do. Some women finally reach a point where the routine risks become intolerable. When this occurs, she needs warm, receptive and loving support. We need to be there; ready and willing to do whatever we can to help break the cycle of violence. She has to know the violence is NOT her fault and she can not change her abuser.
Domestic Violence is about power, one person using a pattern of behavior to control another. These include:
- pushing, slapping, kicking
- marital rape
- intimidation, threatening
- isolation
- suicide threats
- degradation
A few physical effects of violence during pregnancy:
- Insufficient weight gain
- Hemorrhaging
- Abdominal trauma
- Ruptured membranes
- Fetal bruising, fractures, hematomas
If you are in an abusive relationship:
- Have important numbers handy, in phonebook under false names or in some code
- Make a safe plan of escape
- Consider safer places in your home; where there are exits and no weapons. Try to get there when abuse is impending
When you plan on leaving:
- Plan safe places of escape
- Open a bank account and/or get a credit card in your name
- Try doing things to get out of the house: take out the trash, walk the dog, go to the store.
- Mentally practice how you would leave
- Prepare an emergency bag of everyday things and important documents. Hide it where it is easy to get to. Keep in mind there are situations when all you can do is leave with the clothes on your back. Things are replaceable, lives aren’t. Do what you have to in order to be safe.
Speak up if you suspect someone is being abused! Are you hesitating, maybe telling yourself “It’s none of my business.”, “I might be wrong.”, or “She might not want to talk about it.”? When you express your concern you are letting her know you care. You may even save her life and her baby’s!
