As I was reading through Rory Miller’s Facing Violence I found many important concepts I would like to share. His book addresses social violence and predator violence. Our focus will be on predator violence since we, as women, are more likely to be targeted by a predator.
Absence is the number one way to avoid a predator. It makes since, if you are not in the same place as the predator, you can’t be targeted. While this is the most efficient strategy for survival, it’s not always the most popular. At other times, the predator invades your safe zone. Making a conscious choice to not go where others will hit on you and/or you are outnumbered by people you don’t know and trust, is the best way to avoid predators. Remember every choice we make comes with consequences. Be smart, be safe.
Escape and Evasion (E&E) will be your next line of defense if Absence wasn’t your first or the predator invaded your safe zone. Since our homes are the number one place in which women are attacked, we must be prepared to act quickly and decisively. Have and practice a Family Plan of Action as this may very well save your life. It is so important to read your terrain, know your surroundings.
Trust your intuition! It is always on, reliable, and has YOUR best interest at heart.
Engage your situational awareness and use your peripheral vision. Have you located all of the exits, including windows? Could you unlock or break a window? Can you break through a dry-wall? What improvised weapons are within reach? Where could a predator be lurking, are there shadows? Can the predator safely get close to you? Think like a predator.
Remember, your reaction time is quicker with your peripheral vision than with focused vision. Engage it for a quicker response.
De-escalation is the next option after Absence and E & E. It is your last chance to avoid damage to your self and/or the predator. It doesn’t always work. The window of opportunity may be small or non-existent. If it wouldn’t work on a lion, don’t expect it to work on a human predator. Do not bargain or plead as it will escalate the situation! Remember, wild animal predators run toward an animal in distress, looking for a chance to pounce.
Early detection of a Charm Predator gives you the chance to avoid being his next target, but only before he isolates you. A Charm Predator will be nice, charming and ask questions to gain information. It’s his interview process. Always ask yourself, “Why is he doing this? Did I ask him to? Why is he being nice to me? Are his actions or questions implying ‘we’ a personal connection?” Be cautious and use your voice. Be LOUD! Be aggressive! Be firm! Draw attention! Effective phrases are direct and to the point, “I said NO! Get back! Leave me alone! Get away!”
Avoidance = Absence, Escape + Evade, De-escalation.
Four Keys to Unlocking Your Courage
Recognize the Fear: Don’t make excuses or call it something else. Name it for what it is: FEAR ~ False Evidence Appearing Real
Gain Understanding from the Fear: See the untruth in the fear that you have held. Choose to break free from the fallacies you have been holding as truth.
Commit to Courage: You have the opportunity to reprogram your beliefs. Affirm yourself and commit to daily mental exercises to overcome false evidence appearing real. Enroll in a reality based women’s personal protection program such as Smartsafe. Knowledge is power. Practice builds muscle memory. We train smart. We live safe!
Face the Fear: Honor yourself every time you face a fear. Especially the little ones. Courage is built one success at a time. You are successful every time you try! Once you have admitted it is only fear holding you back, you can move through it.
One simple and effective mental exercise is to repeat the following affirmation to yourself each day. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile. ” I am Beautiful! I am confident and strong! I am worth protecting!” Yes, you are!!
Some excerpts and suggestions from:
Dr. Janette Marie Freeman, is also author of “Why Did This Happen to Me
Again? Keys to Lasting Transformation,” and “Live the Life You Love –
In Spirit” For your free subscription to the popular “Live
Richly” Newsletter go to www.janettemariefreeman.com
