April Musings…

April, a month of showers and flowers as Spring unfolds in vivid shades of green, purple, yellows and reds. The bluebonnets, indian paintbrushes and dandelions blanket the roadsides. Spring is my favorite time of year as all is new and fresh. It is also the month I attend the Every Victim Every Time conference each year. My mind is grapling with the new, enlightening information I took in today. I hope by sharing my musings you will gain new insight as well.

Domestic Violence calls are the #1 call where officers are killed. For those who think domestic violence doesn’t effect them, think again. It is a community issue.

80% of sexual assaults are committed by someone already known; 95% of childhood sexual assaults are committed by a known adult. These numbers are even higher than they used to be. Think about it for a moment. We prepare for the ‘boogy man’ or ‘the stranger’ , and we do need to. However, with statistics like this, it is even more critical to address what to do if assaulted by someone known to the survivor. A thought we prefer to avoid.

It is natural to push away from information and circumstances we find painful and/or distasteful. We don’t like being uncomfortable. We don’t want to think about being made to feel helpless. This is where becoming enlightened and empowered can turn the tide in your favor. Ignorance is bliss, until it catches you by surprise. And the element of surprise is what perpetrators are counting on. When you participate in Smartsafe, reality based self defense training you learn to use Surprise as your best friend. It really can make the difference in your safety!

It is my goal to enlighten and empower 200 women during the month of April with KUTA Empowered Women. Together, we can make a difference. Please share this with the women in your life and let’s make sure your mothers and daughters are equipped to protect themselves from known, as well as the unknown perpetrator. Awareness and Prevention are the best choices when protecting yourself.

You can find Gift of Safety details and other upcoming events: http://ecoach360.com/upcoming-events

Personal ahas for me today, came through out the session: Trauma & The Brain After Sexual Assault. Whitney Bliss, MA, NCC, LPC opened my understanding of why I ‘react’ in certain ways/circumstances. To be as concise as possible: As a survivor, my boundaries and feelings were violated. My perpetrators’ actions gave me the message, my feelings and boundaries didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was the perpetrators’ desires. This led me to remembering the countless times in my childhood I was told, “Stop crying before I give you something to cry about.”. Which looking back, this statement would come from the point of an adult not wanting to deal with my feelings or thoughts. These expereinces damaged my understanding of boundaries.  Another behavioral aha, was gaining a clearer understanding of self blaming.  I continue to overcome ‘self-blaming’; a normal survivor behavior. Self blaming stems from the unconscious thought process, ‘If I blame me, then I am taking on responsibility; and if I’m responsible, then I can do something about it next time.’ A crazy thought process to non-surviors and certainly, not a healthy one. My martial arts and Smartsafe training have made a huge difference for me and continue to help me overcome self-blaming.

With depression being so prevelant in today’s society I found this definition enlightening. Depression: healthy aggression turned in on oneself. Survivors of trauma need professional counseling to move forward and learn how to overcome the barage of emotions and confusing neuological responses they encounter.

It is my hope you have been enlightened with this fascinating information and share it with others.

April 29, 2015 is Denim Day in the United States. Perhaps you can wear your denim and teal, the color of awareness for seuxual assault, on April 29. I know I will be. In closing here’s a bit of history.

Wearing denim as a protest against sexual violence against women has its origin in Italy.  In 1998 in Rome, the Italian Supreme Court overturned the conviction of a 45-year old driving instructor for raping an 18-year old student driver after her first lesson, “because the victim wore very, very tight jeans, she had to help him remove them … and by removing the jeans … it was no longer a rape but consensual sex.”

In its decision the court wrote that “it is a fact of common experience that it is nearly impossible to slip off tight jeans even partly without the active collaboration of the person who is wearing them.”   The Court later overturned its findings, and there is no longer a “denim” defense to the charge of rape in Italy, but wearing denim has become a symbol  of protest against sexual violence against woman.

To close on a fun note, be watching for an exciting development as I join with other women and help create a community of Princess Warriors. (There are always new developments happening around here.) Oh Yea! I must leave you with this fabulous news: Behind Her Brand, Vol 4 launched last week! You can get your copy on www.Amazon.com  More on this delightful experience another time. Shine Brightly my Beautiful Friends! I appreciate YOU.  #SAAM #ViolenceStopsHere #DenimDay #SexualAssault

Behind Her Brand

Live with Purpose!


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Regina Rowley Retnia Logo

Regina is an international voice enlightening and empowering women to rise above limiting beliefs, overcome fear and write their own ending as a Goddess Warrior. Whether speaking or teaching, Regina is sensitive, fun and relate-able as she shows women, they too, can tap into their inner strength, gain confidence, and replace limiting beliefs.


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