“Why Am I Always So Tense?” — Understanding the Fight, Flight, and Freeze Response in Midlife

Have you ever wondered why your shoulders stay hunched, why your jaw is tight, or why your hips feel like they’re holding back a flood of emotion?

If you’ve spent years navigating life with more responsibility than rest, more swallowing your truth than speaking it, and more reacting than reflecting—it’s not all in your head. It’s in your nervous system. And yes, it’s in your body too.

Let’s talk about fight, flight, and freeze.

The Nervous System You’ve Been Living In

Our bodies are wired for survival. The fight, flight, or freeze response is a biological safety mechanism meant to protect us from real danger. But the system doesn’t distinguish between a physical threat—like a bear in the woods—and emotional threats, like a cutting comment from a partner, the silent judgment of a parent, or years of internalizing other people’s needs over your own.

Many of us in midlife have been living in a prolonged stress state. We’re not weak for feeling this way—we’ve simply been trying to survive.

Fight might look like simmering resentment or bursts of anger that surprise even us.
Flight might show up as overworking, people-pleasing, or numbing out.
Freeze can look like indecision, exhaustion, procrastination, or going quiet when we most need to speak up.

When It All Builds Up: Cortisol, Muscles, and Pain

Living in a constant state of stress floods our body with cortisol. Over time, this stress hormone wears us down. It contributes to belly fat, disrupted sleep, foggy thinking, and—yes—that aching neck, those tight hips, and that gnawing low back pain.

Cortisol tells our body to brace. And it does: your muscles tighten, your joints compress, your breath shortens. The body tucks these unspoken stories deep into its tissues, especially in the hips—those wide, strong containers of emotion, stability, and mobility.

It’s no wonder so many midlife women carry pain. We’ve carried so much.

The Unspoken Truth

If you’ve spent your life holding in your pain, walking on eggshells, or keeping the peace at the expense of your own, it makes perfect sense that your body is asking for your attention now. Frustration, anger, grief, and fear can all become stuck energy when they have nowhere to go.

And guess where they like to settle?
Our hips. Our pelvis.
The area associated with safety, creativity, and trust.

It’s not about blaming yourself—it’s about finally listening to the stories your body has been whispering all along.

Gentle, Mindful Practices to Support Release

Here’s where we begin—not with force, but with softness.

1. Constructive Rest (10 minutes daily)
   Lie on your back with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor, and a small pillow under your head. Place one hand on your belly, one on your heart. Breathe slowly. Let your hips unclench. This posture cues your nervous system to downshift into safety.

2. Supported Hip Openers
   Try a Reclined Bound Angle Pose (Supta Baddha Konasana) with pillows under your thighs. Allow gravity and breath to gently melt tension stored in the hips. Stay here for 5–10 minutes.

3. Sigh Often
   Yes—sigh. Let yourself release sound and breath throughout your day. A big audible sigh activates the parasympathetic nervous system and resets your energy.

4. Name It to Free It
   Journaling or softly whispering your feelings—“I’m frustrated,” “I’m tired of holding it all together”—brings awareness to what’s inside. You don’t need to fix it all. You just need to give it space to exist.

5. Gentle Movement & Yoga Nidra
   Yin Yoga, slow embodied movement, and guided Yoga Nidra practices offer the body a place to let go, layer by layer, without needing to rehash every painful memory.

   You Are Not Too Much - You Are Holding Too Much

   Dear One,

   This tension isn’t your personality. It’s not just aging.

   It’s accumulated survival energy. And the good news? It can be released.

   I know because this was my story. Now, gentle yoga, Yoga Nidra and other mindfulness practices are daily habits. Habits which allow me to continue healing as I release old thoughts, beliefs, and habits.

   You don’t have to keep holding it all.
   You don’t have to keep it all in.

   You are allowed to soften, allowed to rest, and allowed to feel safe in your own body.

   Come join us in a class this week at Calm Confident Woman Studio. Your nervous system will thank you. Your hips will thank you. And most importantly—you’ll begin to feel like yourself again. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.

   With love and gentleness,
   Regina

   #CalmConfidentWoman #ReginaRowley #ThriveAfterMenopause #MidlifeWellness #VirtualYoga #GuidedMeditation #YogaNidra #FightFlightFreeze