Everything Happens for a Reason…
I know I have said this. I have mimed this expression, which others have said to me, and around me. Just as so many other thoughts have been inherited and embraced without question. Among the varied life lessons 2015 brought me, it is to be more comfortable questioning that which I have long embraced as truth. This expression, is just one of them.
Everything Happens for a Reason… or Does It?
Although well meaning when spoken, this phrase brings comfort to the one speaking vs. to the person receiving the words. When an individual is in a crisis, and circumstances simply do not make sense, it’s a natural inclination to bandage the issue. Uncomfortable issues such as sexual assault, domestic violence, child abuse, and suicide get the biggest bandages. We wipe it off, by patting the hurting person’s shoulder; dab a little Everything Happens for a Reason ointment on and then cover it up so we don’t have to see it.
In reality, dabbing empty words on a festering wound and bandaging it up, will only lead to infection. Eventually, the bandage must be removed and the infection drained.
2015, 40+ years after my wounds were dabbed and covered, the bandage was unexpectedly ripped off. So many years of festering… Decades of rebandaging with a new dab of Everything Happens for a Reason… I was unaware of how deep the infection ran. No longer able to dab and rebandage, I started digging at the source of infection. It got messy. To say it was painful would be a great understatement. I became frustrated and irritable. Tears were ever present. I lashed out. I sank into despair and depression. “How could this be happening to me? I already dealt with this issue.” I simply did not want to try anymore. I was so tired of the pain. Reasoning and rational thought took great effort. I wore my emotions on my sleeve. However, this is an exhausting place to be. (The mind of a victim.)
I’m not sure what shifted, but one day I recognized the state I was in and knew I needed someone else to guide me, to help me heal forward. I didn’t want to spend my days depressed and regressing from society. Deep in my soul a passionate fire to educate, equip and empower women was still burning. I made the choice to seek out a counselor. I gave my self permission to begin healing without reservation and without apology.
This is a process, a journey. Some days are still difficult. Most days I embrace strength and actively choose that which brings me peace. I am quicker to recognize debilitating thoughts and replace them with affirming, thriving beliefs. For me, it is no longer accetable to use the truths, “someone violated me.” ” I was abused.” “This is just the way I am.” as excuses. Daily, I am empowered to choose what I want to embrace. Therefore, I choose environments which help me heal and grow stronger.
2016 is fresh and new. I intend to keep my thoughts, my beliefs uppermost. No More! No More Silence! No More Excuses! No More Everything Happens for a Reason! No More Domestic Violence! No More Sexual Assault!
To once and for all take control and give voice to the countless other adults who were Children of Domestic Violence, CDV. To be loud and repetitive. To be the squeeky wheel. Because, sweeping Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault under the rug doesn’t mean they aren’t still happening. Because, wiping them off, dabbing Everything Happens for a Reason ointment on it and bandaging up the wound, DOES NOT help it heal.
Wounds need nurturing, attention and fresh air to heal.
So while 2015 has been a year filled with anguish, shifting and learning. It has also afforded me the opportunity to make choices. Choices that will leave a ripple of hope and healing for other survivors. Choices to find more gratitude, to color and find other ways to embrace creativity. Choices to journal and to share beauty more often. To Sparkle.